Dada

I'm feeling utterly bored right now. Everyday is the same thing.Go to school before 8.15am.
8.15am to 9am is 1st meeting.
9am to 10.15am is break.
10.15am to 11.15am is 2nd meeting.
11.15am to 2pm is break time.
2pm to 4pm is 3rd meeting.
I feel so lost.I don't have any time space.I found out from my school that money can't be refund if i withdraw.I wonder what discussion will occur tonight? I sense my dad will just put me in RP.I know i will be missing out on some goody friends there if i leave for TP but i find no happiness in RP.I start to find out the beauties in RP but not enough to allow me stay. I know how desperate i want TP.I know what i did in the past to ease my desperation and its always in my heart and body. Lots of my friends just said stay cause i'm already here but i don't know to express my thoughts to them. Perhaps i got used to bottling up my emotions or wear my mask that i don't know how or who to turn to. Sometimes i really regret not telling people my problems in a way when i try explaining they won't understand me . My life is so blue,in the night it gets dark.There ain't any colours in my life.All while i prayed to god believing he has evrything right for me.Why can't i not think too much? Since young, i even thought about suicide and since young i've never really find a way to stay happy.Everything around me since young was so violent,sad.I know i shan't reflect on my past but i can't help it.
Today, i shall name you after my dear diary :"dada". If i cant turn to dada no.1 i shall turn to you dada no.2.
Soon , i'll write poems and then this shall be my world.MY blue world.I live in it and that's that.
Today, lizzy is returning from Hong Kong and i wonder what she will say to me and buy for me? But anyways, i still feel sad.After talking to so many of my friends i still dont think they understand. But i am happy that in RP i have quite a few good friends and thats enough to last my memory.Love you dada....