The rain

I don't know how to start.
My morning was cracked by the anger of my dad.
I went to school and it was pouring,
i knew that the rain understood how i felt.
The rain spells out my emotions in which others won't be able to know.

I chat to my ex-teacher and fellow friends,
I knew deep down they don't get what i meant,
and why i chose this path.
All i can say is i really don't know how to start.

I blame myself for the cause of everything.
My dad used to have high hopes on me untill one day,
I realised that it was all plastic.
He had a chat with my brother and told him that i was a let down.
He said he don't even know whether I i passed my o's or not.

Hey dad, I've told you umpteen times that i passed but,
you failed to believe as I told you its hard to get into a university through poly.
Dad, i'm not like my first 2 sisters, they live for themselve but i live for you.
I know since young you have high hopes on us but please let me tell you, i really love you deep down.
Despite those harsh words , those criticism and those looks,
I still love you.
At times when i am down, i wanted to run to you and just hug you but i can't.
I can't bring myself to tell you and mummy and the rest that i love all of you.

I know i am a let down,but i tried not to be.
I don't smoke,drink or fight.
I chose study not boyfriends because i love you all.
I chose biomed because of you dad.
I wanted to do something special which can please you but i was wrong.
By getting into poly you feel that it is so shameful.
You will ask: "where to hide my face?"
Then this will be my question,
:"daddy,where am I to hide my shameful, wrong face?"

I am not as bright as wilson,
I am not anyone but myself.
I want to let you know how sad i am these days.
I'm rowing down the empty stream.
I find myself lost.
I am neither in my dreams nor fantasy world.
Where am i exactly?