My My My....

Dew,
Life is very very solemn for me. I am tired of living, I guess i really surrender.I am tired of setting goals and well, i need a break. No one understands what I am going through. It's so tough.

Each night, i sleep with backaches, paste those hot medical plasters on my back. When the weather changes, especially when it rains, my leg hurts for no reason. My my my!!! What is wrong?

I have friends entering in and out of my life! I feel like shutting the doors of my life. A moment they can treat you good , the next they will be leaving you.

I've seen lots of partings since young and i still can't accept the fact.Why(grandma) is Lola so far away from me?Why can't i stay happy? Why? Why ? Why must it be the case that dad and mum is always not in good terms. Why? Why? There are lotsa of questions in my mind yet i can't find the answers to it! It's infuriating and i really really want to surrender.

Where is everyone when i needed them? Where? Why can't i speak out my problems like normal people? Why must i hurt myself physically to ease some of my mental pain? why? why ? why? I am really weary.

If one day i shall collapse , make it forever. Avoiding some may say but i have no choice.
----------------------------------------------------
The picture of her crying is still in my mind.
The picture of her begging for help is still in my thoughts.
The picture of her unable to seek someone's comfort stays and forever she remains the same.

I remembered how he yelled at her,
remembered those looks,
remembered those hurting words.
I remembered the way the fight,
remembered how eager she was to get out of life.

I recalled the days she left us without any rhyme or reason,
remembered how she cried and begged us to let her go.
Remembered the feeling of missing someone who is gone.

Now, as the statices in my room starts to wither,
it loses it's fragrance gradually.
I guess, i am starting to miss someone yet, i guess that's it!
Give me time , give me space but most of all,
give my an answer to all these?