Regrets

Dear Dew,

I am feeling very very very depressed now. There are lots of thoughts running in my mind . I got to tell you that i think i made a friend run away from me .

Few days back, i wasn't in a stable mindset and i actually said somethings to hurt a friend. Dew, its something very sad to me because this friend actually helped me in times of need as in praying for me . Well, i guess it was my fault in not being able to state how i feel and this mistake becomes a habit in my life.

I do not want to be appreciated in anyways or recognised in anyways so most of the times i just keep quiet. Even if anyone was to say any wrong things about me , i just couldn't retaliate.

AS you know about my mental condition these days ,eversince the start of the year, i am now lost for words. Dearest winson, my brother, i lost all my strength to carry on , look at my poems. What do you feel when you see them ? Dead huh? I have no inspirations to write out poems. No words could describe my feelings.Nothing around me to help me. I know there are still people out there who cares , but , i just don't feel it anymore, i guess that's the feeling of being numb.

Where is everyone when i needed them? I know there are people who loves me , but they love me for who they see. As in my appearance. My soul is dying . Who can i turn to? I know there is god but there is something in life and sometimes in life that we need somebody besides him.

I tried to write beautiful poems like before yet, i couldn't. Even now , when i start playing the piano, my heart is nowhere found anymore.

Where is my soul? Dew, love me please. Love me.That is all i am asking from you!

Well, the misunderstanding between me and my childhood friend, Allen, is cleared yet , i don't feel happy. It's always my wish to be friends with him again though he always scold me when i was young but, why , why am i feeling so lost?